This afternoon I sat on the beach and asked the Lord to forgive me. Forgive me for my anger, bitterness, rage, and resentment. I have been struggling. I have told myself over and over and over again to just let it go. Quit holding onto it. Don’t give Satan a foothold. Let go, I would repeat to myself. Jesus, help me let go. God, please help me to let go. I would let go only to have something else happen or said – then every emotion would return stronger. Only, I was not thinking like a Christian. I was thinking like a human. You know, let it go, let it go. (you’re singing the song, aren’t you?!) I did not need to let go, I needed to give it away. I needed to turn around and hand it to Jesus. Lay all of it at Jesus’ feet. Let Jesus have it all – don’t pick it up again. Turn away from every last sinful emotion and thought.
In the past, I have been the person others would talk to about their problems. I have given them words of advice about dealing with their own families and life situations. “I can get along with Satan himself to have a relationship with my children” “Be nice, polite and kind to people who are your enemy – it will heap coals of fire upon their head” “You treat strangers with kindness and politeness, surely you can be nice to someone in your own family or those you work with” “As much as we want to, we can’t make people love us” “We cannot chose for someone else they have to live their life, they have to fail on their own”– those are my words to others.
WOW! God sure does have a way of turning things around on us, huh? I’ve been angry, mad, upset, bitter – off and on through-out the past year. I really want people to love me and care about me. I have a fear of abandonment. I have talked to a couple of people about these feelings. They have used my own words against me. Don’t you love that? When your own words come back to you! One special person basically told me – you claim to be a Christian, you don’t believe in un-forgiveness. You’re supposed to love everyone. WOW!
I have been angry at so many things and people, to the point of trying not to hate some people. Yes, hate. Me a Christian, who is called to love and forgive. I have given Satan a foot-hole in my life, in my family, in my office and in my church family. Satan wants to destroy me. Satan wants to destroy the family God has given me. Satan wants to destroy us financial but most of all Satan wants to destroy my spiritual life. If he can cause confusion, he will. Confusion, hurtful emotions, distractions, people, false doctrine – Satan uses these things very well. Satan makes things look like they are “the right thing to do” – but God says guard yourself – man’s mind is not the mind of Christ – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Prov. 14:12
Many of you have emailed me or sent me messages dealing with all of the same emotions – anger, bitterness, rage, resentment and yes, hatred. Giving Satan a foothold. There are also some of you who are dealing with the emotions of a child who was killed. I can-not imagine the pain you feel, knowing another human took your child from you. Yet, many of you have stated to me you have forgiven them. I am amazed at your faith and love. Here I am holding onto anger and bitterness over words and actions.
I started on this journey of repentance a couple of weeks ago. I realized just how angry certain Facebook post made me. Most of it dealt with a “Church” that has caused a lot of the isolation and the abandonment I feel. Some of it dealt with too many questions to family instead of to the person you want to know about. I simply began to “unfriend” or hide them. You see, just because I have laid it at Jesus’ feet does not mean I should continue to interact with the people and things which cause me great emotional stress. I can love people without having them around me. I can keep them at a distance, guard myself. I can dislike the things that they have done and/or doing and still be polite, kind and courteous. Those who have isolated themselves from me, I have tried to reach out to without getting a response. I can’t make people love me. I can disapprove of actions, love the person and not support their destructive behavior . I can begin to once again speak the truth in love instead of living in fear. God does not give us a spirit of fear.
I will be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving not for myself, not for them, but for Christ’ s sake. I will not give into an angry sinful life – Christ paid my ransom. I will continue to stand firm on the foundation of Christ. Not through my power, not through my determination, not through my works – No…..through His strength and protection. Thank God, He is kind, tenderhearted and forgiving towards me – I certainly do not deserve it! Grace, Grace, God’s Grace.
“BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Eph 4:26 & 27
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Eph 4:31 & 32
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thes. 3:3