Truth, I dare ya

#APG

Heard a sermon not long ago about how we do not really speak the truth like we should.  I have contemplated this sermon since hearing it.  The passage was out of 2 Samuel where Nathan is sent by the Lord to go to David and speak the truth.  Nathan did this with the threat of death hanging over his head.  David could have easily ordered him killed.

David had committed sins of idle hands, lust, lies, deceit, jealousy, and murder.  All over a woman he shouldn’t have been looking at to start with, he should have been at war with his troops.  All he had to do was do what he was supposed to do at the beginning.  The Lord had given him a task of looking over his troops but instead he stayed home and wandered – feet and eyes.

Nathan told David a story about a man stealing a lamb from a poor man.  Taking what was not his and to top it off the thief was rich.  The rich man did it because he could.  He had the power in his hands to do as he pleased.  David immediately got mad at the rich man “As the LORD lives, surely the man who has done this deserves to die.  He must make restitution for the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and had no compassion.” 2 Sam. 12:5 & 6 (NASB)

Nathan’s response is so brave – “You are the man!” 2 Sam 12:7a.  Think of the faith Nathan had to have to follow the Lord’s lead and speak the truth to King David.  A man with unbelievable power who could have had him killed on the spot.  Nathan went on to tell David of the upcoming price he would pay for his sin.  “Thus says the LORD, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household…2 Sam 12:11a.  This passage sends shivers up my spine.  How our children pay for our sins.  How much the way we live our lives effects the generations to come.  The fear this instills in me, especially when I see it in my own life and the life of my children and grandchildren.  It does matter how you live, what you do, how you spend your time and with whom you spend your time.

But, back to speaking the truth.  As he preached I thought about all I have lost and would lose if I spoke the truth.  How much of a coward I really am.  Of course, the truth should be spoken out of love and with love.  But, I realized I really am a chicken and have a lack of faith.  I am sure, as heartfelt and hard as it is to write this blog , I will have someone say something negative – maybe not to me, but to someone! Maybe to me.

There have been many times I have laid in bed and gone over conversations in my head.  Things I wish I wouldn’t have said but mostly things I wish I would have said.  The times things were said only to hurt me, I should have said something.  I should have gone to several people at the very beginning and let them know just how much they are hurting people – children.  The problem I have is not knowing if I am willing to pay the price.  I am scared.  I wish I had the bravery of Nathan, the way he followed the LORD. The faith he showed.  I keep praying for the opportunity before the generations to follow pay the price or more of a price.  Some are already paying the price, broken relationships, fear, loneliness, anger, feelings of abandonment and just plain bad behavior.

Problem is if I speak the truth, I risk so very much that is dear to me.  I can not think of a time in my life that I was afraid of losing so much until Amanda died.  Amanda’s death has brought about a set of circumstances that is truly unbelievable.  Death can bring family and friends closer together but it also can put a wedge between family and friends like no other thing.  It doesn’t take a lot for things to go wrong.  It usually only takes a couple of people who think they are doing the right thing to destroy relationships which in turn ends up being passed down.

Just like David a lot of times our sin begins out of boredom or loneliness.  The next thing we know we are spending time with people or looking at things that are just wrong.  Like David, we think we are doing the right things – after all it makes us “happy”.  Like David, we think we can hide it, but it just leads to lies and the hurting of others.  Like David, we pay the price in relationships with those we love and who love us.

Truth is – I am thankful Amanda can not see what is going on.
Truth is – I have been told I am negative, selfish, mean, not a good friend and arrogant.  Maybe it’s all true, I keep asking myself and try to work on what I see I am doing wrong in my life.  I pray for the Lord to open my eyes and give me wisdom.
Truth is – There are a lot of bullies in this world.
Truth is – I am truly living A Parent’s Worst Nightmare, the Loss of a Child.
Truth is – My husband is living the same nightmare in a totally different way because she was his “little punkin”.
Truth is – Some people just don’t care how bad they make you feel or what they do as long as they are having fun and are “happy”.  They love taking pictures of it too!
Truth is – People don’t think.
Truth is – I have never dreaded Thanksgiving and Christmas until this year.
Truth is – I am not brave enough or have enough faith to speak the truths that need to be said.
Truth is –  Mourning Amanda’s death has not been near as bad as what I am living because of it.
Truth is – There is no way to understand people, especially the self righteous ones.
Truth is – Some days I make it without crying at all.
Truth is – Some days I cry all day.
Truth is – Some days I can’t even pray, I just ask Jesus to pray for me.
Truth is – Some days I pray all day.
Truth is – Some days I want to be completely alone.
Truth is – Some days I can’t stand to be alone.
Truth is – Some times I am fearful.
Truth is – Some times I am worried.
Truth is – Some times I am angry.
Truth is – Some times I am confused.
Truth is – Some people don’t care.
Truth is – Some people don’t love us.
Truth is – Some people are selfish.
Truth is – Some people are mean.
Truth is – Some people live a lie.
Truth is – Some times, a lot of the time – I am the one at fault. I am the man!

            TRUTH IS – We think our words and actions will not make a difference but they do.  Nathan’s words of truth had a profound effect on David.  Speaking the truth in love and with the Lord’s guidance makes a difference.  Every behavior is not okay.  Scripture teaches us this plainly.  Sin is sin.  Selfishness is sin.  There are specific priorities in life.  If these priorities are out of order then our lives are out of balance – we can not continue without hurting those around us.  It’s not okay to hurt others.  Doesn’t matter how happy it makes me.  We have certain responsibilities to God and our families.  Our sins will affect our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren let alone all of the family and friends around us.

TRUTH IS – God will forgive us our sin.  Jesus is the Lamb of God who took away the sin of the world.   “But the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:23.  (NASB) Although forgiven, sin affects others in tremendous ways.  Especially children. “Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.” Exo 34:6 & 7 (NASB)

TRUTH IS – God is with us.  He comforts and cares for us.  “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; (Psalm 46:1&2)  Our Lord is victorious and strong.  We can trust in His promise to protect us.  Fear not!  God will be our defense and never will the enemy’s darts have victory unless we allow it.  Therefore, I will go ahead being bold, speaking the truth when given the opportunity and proclaiming the Lord will be victorious.

TRUTH IS – This journey of living after our child has died is unimaginable for most people.  We are living it every day.  It’s like going down in a cave with all the twist and turns.  At times our lamps are burning bright and we can see the way clearly.  At times we feel like we are living our lives without knowing what the next step holds.  Wondering just how much further before we fall off a cliff.   At times we feel others around us, helping us walk through the tunnels.  At times we feel all alone.  BUT GOD!  BUT GOD!  God is here.  God will give us boldness and strength and HE is the Light of the world.  Our world!  “Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.” John 8:12 (NASB)

TRUTH IS – When we are walking in darkness, it’s because we are not depending on the Light of the World!  We are not alone!

TRUTH IS – It’s hard, but it’s not impossible.  Nothing is impossible with God.

Praying for all of you.  Praying for comfort, joy, peace and most of all, wisdom.  Our cave is only dark if we allow it to be.

Love to all of you,

Manda’s Mom #APG

3 thoughts on “Truth, I dare ya

  1. Cindy you hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. Surrender to your faith in God and know that he has his hand on you. It’s your mission to stay in faith and know that his plan is and always is for us to get through the darkness of life and be victorious. You and Charnell have always been great people and it doesn’t matter what others say. You are loved by many and will one day experience some peace. It will come and be exactly what God planned. I am not an expert on this matter but this is what I feel God has put in my heart to tell you.
    I miss Amanda and the sharing of her life with us through videos and pictures. You are strong and you have more supporters than enemies. I hope it was okay for me to share this with you. I do love you and Charnell and I wanted you to know that. I am not the elegant writer you are but these words come from my heart.
    Debbie Lowrance

    Like

  2. Cindy I found your words so beautiful! I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and heartache that you and your family have endured. I do think of you often and pray for ya’ll daily. Your words have been an inspiration to me, the scriptures that you quote are so true.❤️❤️❤️❤️!
    Please reach out to me anytime!

    Alice

    Like

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