Occupying Time

Many of us try to keep busy with something.  Working, cleaning, cooking, shopping, exercise, whatever – always on the move.   Keep your feet moving, keep your mind occupied, keep going, going, going.  Whatever it takes to keep us from thinking too much or feeling too much.  It’s a way to deal with the tragedy.  It’s a way to deal with our child dying.

The problem with all of the moving – it’s running.  Running from thinking, running from dealing with it, running from the truth.  Running from it is as bad as staying in bed.  Staying busy seems like the right thing to do.  Getting out of bed everyday is a good thing, never stopping once you’re up is not good.  I’m not talking about continuing on with life.  I am talking about making sure you never stop.  I am talking about keeping your mind occupied all of the time with something – talking, texting, TV, reading, internet, everything this world has to offer.

Then there is the balance of having someone around all the time and being alone all the time – neither is good.  To be honest, we all know what it’s like to feel lonely in a crowd but there is also the feeling of keeping people around to keep you busy, keep your mind on something “fun”.  Then, there is the isolation of being alone.  Fighting with trying to carry on a conversation, easier to not deal with it, so we stay alone.  We have to find a balance.

Balance of sleep is one of the hardest.  Sleeping all the time or not sleeping at all.  “Experts” say to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time everyday.  “They” say to not use electronics before going to bed.  Of course, there are a lot of sleep medicines on the market now; prescription and over the counter.  But, once again, there is the balance to consider.

It’s hard to find a balance in our life now.  A balance of the way we spend our time, a balance of how often we spend time with people, a balance of how we occupy our mind and a balance of sleep.

Jesus had balance in His life.  Luke 21:37  “Now during the day He was teaching in the temple, but at evening He would go out and spend the night on the mount that is called Olivet.”  (NASB)

Scripture teaches us about balance.

We need time alone with Him.  Time alone to mediate.  Time alone to be still. Time to pray.  Psalm 4:4b “Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still.”  Psalm 46:10a “Be still, and know that I am God”   Matthew 6:6 “”But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” (NASB)

There is also a time to go.  Matthew 28:18 “God therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (NASB)

There is a time to surround ourselves with others and do for others. Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”

There is a commercial airing these days.  It ask the question “shall I stay or shall I go?”.  The answer is yes.  Some minutes, hours or days you have to stay – some minutes, hours or days you have to go.

I am praying all of us will learn which times are which.  I am praying as we go down this road of life we will be given the wisdom to know the time for each.  I know He is always with us, I know He will show us the correct path. I know He loves us and I know He has all the answers.  I know He is the only way I have be able to continue to live since Amanda died.

Love to all of you,

Manda’s Mom #APG

3 thoughts on “Occupying Time

  1. There is a time. . . to stop and give in to your heart breaking grief. To throw yourself down and cry until you have made yourself sick. It’s been six years. Six years without my twenty-five year old daughter. Placing Christmas flowers at the cemetery last week. Cleaning the monument. Touching the cold stone and not my daughters small warm hand. I sat on the hard wet ground, I stretched my arms out to the monument and gave in. How could you not be here! My beloved short, tiny, beautiful blonde haired daughter. Cried and cried and cried. No sweet masked expression on my face. No. The ughly cry. Rocking back and forth holding that hard cold monument and not my daughters small warm hand. Oh God why! Why! Why!

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  2. I think there is a feeling, especially in the Christian community, that after a while we should just buck up and soldier on following the death of a child, that allowing ourselves to grieve for as long as it takes (usually longer than others assume) is being a weak Christian or not trusting God. As parents, we will grieve the death of our child for the rest of our lives. Sometimes that loss, that yearning, that grief is closer to the surface than other times. And yet, we feel like we have deny or hide our grief, to mask that grief and put on a happy face, because we feel that we will be judged as less than trusting in God or that we are less of a Christian. It’s not an easy path.

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