I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been physically ill, nothing major – just a bunch of minor stuff – one right behind the other. I’ve also been busy re-potting plants and trying to spruce up the back porch. Anyway –
My momma’s birthday is this coming weekend. Going to have a family cook-out; well, partial family cook-out. Some of the family can not make it. Going to fish and cook hotdogs. The simple stuff of hanging around the house, talking and playing the kids is the most enjoyable of all. No big deal. Just relaxed.
My Momma is such a wonderful woman. She raised us – 3 of us. We had everything we needed, not everything we wanted. We weren’t poor but we weren’t rich. Momma was then and still is a hard working woman.
Momma worked a full time job, cooked supper every night, got us to where we needed to be, cleaned the house (of course, we had our chores!), kept the yard up, and still played with us.
She actually spent a lot of time with us. I appreciate growing up with a Momma who actually wanted to be with me. We talked. We played games together. Loved playing Rummy, Chinese Checkers, even tag in the yard. We watched TV together. We went to the grocery store together. Momma loves family. Momma loves to spend time with us.
Momma also took care of my Grandmother and Grandfather. When my Granddaddy became sick with cancer, Momma was the one who took care of him. Then after he died, she took care of my Grandma. She didn’t just take care of her. She sold her house, the house she loved, and moved in with my Grandma. She waited on my Grandma and had more patience with her than anyone would have. When Grandma had to be put in assisted living, Mom checked on her constantly. Grandma had Alzheimers and it was very difficult on Momma. While all of this was going on, she still cooked dinners for “family”, was active in Church, took others to doctor’s appointments, fixed food bags for the local school and managed to keep her yard and house spotless. None of this is to put a less role on my stepfather who is absolutely wonderful – this is about my Momma!
Momma loved her Mom and Dad immensely and spent a lot of time with them. When they died, it had to be extremely hard on her. I have to admit, she never really showed it. Oh, from time to time it showed – but, she is an extremely strong woman. She honors their memories by telling stories of them, having pictures and some of their things around. She keeps their memories alive.
I almost forgot to mention. My brother lives across the street from her. Momma helps him – he has health issues. She also helped him raise his children.
Now, Momma has buried a Grandchild. She loved Amanda dearly. Amanda reminded me of my Momma in so many ways. Her petite build, her love for family, and her energy. Amanda had my Momma’s energy. Always on the go.
I can not remember my Momma putting herself above anyone else. I can not remember her saying she needed a break from us. I can not remember her taking a vacation without us when we were growing up. What I do remember is her wanting to be with us.
She is a Godly example of putting others above herself.
I have thought a lot about Momma these days. Her birthday in a few days and then Mother’s Day. Thought about what she would want for her gift/s. I know exactly what she would love. Not a big, expensive thing – nope. Momma would want time with family. Time. Plain simple time.
Family has changed a lot over the years. I mean in general. We now have people clean our houses, eat out, work for better and bigger things, get our nails done, run our kids around the world and back; and of course, the “me” time. You know, if Momma’s happy it’ll make our kids happy. We have to have time for ourselves. Funny thing is – we have no time.
Why write about my Momma on a blog about parents who have had a child die? Amanda always told me I was the strongest woman she knew, but I’m not. My Momma is. She did/does it all. And all she wants in return is love and time.
If Amanda were here today, she would be right there with the time for the family. Amanda loved spending time with her family. Amanda loved spending time with us. I will greatly miss her and her family during the cook-out this weekend. I know my Momma will, sometimes I forget. I will greatly miss her and her family Mother’s Day, I know my Momma will too.
Amanda never missed a family dinner. She knew how important it is/was to everyone. It was important to her. Time with family is one way we can make an eternal difference. Having examples to follow – like my Momma. Having love and support shown. Setting an example of putting others above ourselves. Passing down our faith in God.
Few people consider true eternal meaning today. We live an “under the sun” life. Work hard, enjoy life, have fun, be nice, do good works, have nice things, take care of me, positive talk, – all for the world to see. Then there is the secret stuff – don’t get caught doing wrong, don’t talk about it out loud, don’t judge me because my sin is different from yours, keep it behind closed doors – hide it from the world. Problem is – it’s not the Christian way to live – without God first, it’s all in vain. And everything comes to light. Thing is – we are setting an example to everyone around us in the mean time.
Nothing separates a family more than death. Nothing separates friends more than a death. It happens over time, but it happens. Accepting losing Amanda has been hard to say the least, accepting losing others is even worse – hard to believe isn’t it. At least I know she is better off – she is with Jesus. I am stuck here in this world without some of the people dearest to me and they are right under my nose. It stinks too!!
I know it’ll be okay. I am learning patience more than anything. I am learning to overlook things I never would have over looked before. I am learning to appreciate others more. For example, I need to spend more time with my Momma. Time is short. No one knows it more than a mother who has had a child die. I would like nothing more than to spend some more time with Amanda. I can’t – but I know my Momma would like nothing more than to spend some time with her family – I can make that happen.
Spend some time with your Momma – especially if she has lost a child. She needs you, we need you. Spend time with your family – it makes an eternal difference in the generations to come.
“But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.” Deu 4:9 (NLT)
“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them know to your children and your children’s children.” Deu 4:9 (ESV)
Love to all of you Mothers out there! Hugs and prayers! Keep fighting and keep living!
Manda’s Mom #APG