“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
It’s not okay to be mean. It’s not okay to be hateful. It’s not okay to be rude. It’s not okay to claim to be a Christian, with big smiles all over your social media, and treat people badly. It’s not okay to talk to others about something when you do not know the whole story. It’s not okay to be a bully. It’s not okay to discount the way children feel. It’s not okay to talk about a situation you know nothing about. It’s not okay to ignore others. It’s not okay to be sneaky. It’s not okay to intentionally hurt someone else. It’s not okay to do, post, allow or say things; you know will hurt someone else. It’s not okay to act like you are better than everyone else. It’s not okay to act holier than thou. It’s not okay to be a bully. It’s not okay to talk bad about others around children. It’s not okay to repeat something told to you in confidence. It’s not okay for you to do something you KNOW will hurt someone. It’s not okay to send a text like you care but your actions say different. It’s not okay to send anonymous messages and pictures. It’s not okay! It’s wrong PERIOD.
A common theme among mother’s who have had a child die is they are treated horrible. For some reason, instead of giving us a little slack we are held to a higher standard. More is expected from us. We are not forgiven for mistakes we have made. We are to be perfect in our grief. We are expected to act like life is a bed of roses. Then there are those who are on the “outskirts” of what is going on who feel like they need to put in their two cents. All of a sudden, your whole life is a mess on top of grieving for your child. They do not care. It’s a topic of gossip for them without realizing they are actually destroying humans – people – people who have had a child die. The funniest (not funny) part is they actually think they know what they are talking about – they only know what they see and hear from one side. They have turned their back on the person who they have told – “I can’t imagine”. They are allowing Satan to use them to do what he does best – destroy!
I sound mad, I know. I am. If you are a bereaved mother, you have been right where I am right now at this moment. We are tired. We want to leave. We want to run away. We want to yell, scream and throw a fit. We have had enough. We can’t take anymore. We want to shout – give us a break, our child died!
My husband has said –“try not to let it bother you”. I have tried. Over and over and over and over and over and over. But, it bothers him. Over and over and over and over and over. I can’t count how many times he has been hurt by the very people he loves dearly. The very people he has gone out of his way to help. The very people he would give up his very own life. The very people who he has taken care of over and over. Satan is alive and well. Destroyer of relationships.
Why? Why are they doing this? Because they are having fun. Because they are having a good time. Because they like seeing others in pain. Because they are more important than others. Because they have all the answers. Because they are having a good time. They are living a soap opera only life is not a soap opera.
Yesterday was my birthday. My husband planned a supper to celebrate; he had to make me go. The stress was more than I wanted to deal with. I cried a lot of the day. Why? Why couldn’t I make myself thankful enough for the people left in my life to be happy? Why? Because I grieve over people I am still losing. I grieve over the life I am living now. I grieve because others don’t care how much they hurt my husband and me. I grieve over the lost celebrations with my daughter, Amanda Peake Glover. Forever 32.
The majority of the people I know think I am wrong. This post will more than likely make some angry. Ask yourself, why are you mad? Do you see yourself in this? Because it’s the truth? It’s okay for you to say whatever but I can’t tell how I feel? Am I supposed to hide behind some rock? Know this, I love all of you and read to the end before you make a judgment!
Some beliefs are being taught which are absolutely wrong. We are not living heaven on earth. We are to live separate from the world. We are to be different morally. When you have others say over and over again – “I thought they were a Christian” – it’s a sign something is very wrong. Fear, hatred, un-forgiveness, meanness, anxiety, impatience, stress; are not from the Lord. We have to recognize this and realize who it is from. We can not let Satan be the victor in our minds, hearts and souls. We have to do what is right no matter how we are treated. It’s so hard though. Without God, it’s impossible.
All of you bereaved mothers out there – Where is the hope in all of this? Jesus. Jesus is our hope. Luke 18:27 “Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”” Our relationships can be restored by God alone. There is still hope. Keep in mind, Job lost everything then everyone turned on him. God restored Job. He can restore us too.
I thank God I have family and friends who love me. With all of my faults, they have still stood by my side. That is true love. It’s the love of Jesus. When I was unlovable, He loved me. 1 John 3:16 “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
(You may be wondering where all of this has come from, you may be even speculating right at this moment. It’s from conversations, group post and emails from mothers who have lost children and from my own experience. In other words, it is combined experiences we have had. It truly is amazing how similar the stories are from mothers. Y’all hang in there – do not give up and do not give in!)
Lord, let my actions be out of love. Lord, help me to keep my eyes on you and not on man. Lord, heal my broken heart. Lord, help me to respond with love and truth. Lord, help me to forgive. Lord, help others to forgive me.
Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Hugs, prayers and love to all of you!
Manda’s Mom #APG
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