Seems like yesterday

Time Flies

It’s been two years, three months, and 17 days since Amanda died.

In a way, it seems like a long time ago – but it also seems like it was yesterday.  Kinda like when the kids were growing up and all of a sudden they were 2 and you can’t believe so much time has passed.  Then, you turn around and they were graduating high school.  But, there were those times – like during potty training, you felt like it took forever!

I feel like I am in a mud hole trying to walk wearing snow shoes.  It’s a mud hole in the Amazon because there are mosquitoes everywhere, taking a little bit of blood with every bite.   Struggling with every step and slapping down the mosquitoes trying to eat me alive.  I am moving ahead, slowly but surely – not giving up.  Trying to get over every bite and not scratch the bumps.  Mainly, so they will heal eventually.  Scratch the bites and they become bigger and infected.

Negative thoughts, yes.  I have negative thoughts – not always.  I am being honest about my thoughts today.  The world today teaches to have a positive outlook and everything will be okay. Positive thoughts are supposed to overcome all of the hardships in our lives. I am positive of one thing, if you are not honest with yourself – you are running and relying on your own mind.

Truth is the circumstances of my life will not always be positive.  Some days are dark, some circumstances are dark – losing my beloved daughter, Amanda Peake Glover, has been beyond dark.  Storms come.  Dog-gone, hurricanes come.    Positive thoughts are not meant to see me through.  Nope, if I depend on positive thoughts and other people – I will never be of any use to anyone, I will never be of any use to God.

Truth is I have to depend on Jesus.  On His Word, on His promises, on His mercy, on His grace, on His purpose, on His plan, on His sacrifice. 

Truth is I may suffer in this life, but it is with a purpose. “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1Peter 1:6&7

Truth is I am brokenhearted but He heals me. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalms 147:3

Truth is I mourn but He comforts me.  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4

Truth is I have troubles but He gives me peace. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33

Truth is I feel lonely but He is with me.   “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b

Truth is positive thoughts are depending on me but setting my mind on Christ first thing in the morning is what will change my day.  “One positive thought in the morning can change your whole day” – worldly view  “If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. “ Colossians 3: 1-4 – Christ view.

I have had a rough few months.  Swatting mosquitoes and trying not to sink in the mud.  Without Jesus, I would just stay in bed.   Without Jesus, I would not get dressed.  Without Jesus, I would not reach out to others.  Without Jesus, I would give up.  But, I am a child of Christ. He gives me hope!  I am not alone!  He loves me!!!

Prayers, hugs and love to all of you!

Manda’s Mom #APG

 

(PS – I started this several days ago – It has now been 2 years, 3 months, 21 days.)

9 thoughts on “Seems like yesterday

  1. Yes, you are doing exactly what our Lord desires, keeping your eyes and heart set on Him. The presence of His Spirit is completely REAL … He causes us to overflow with hope by His power alone. Romans 15:13

    I am thankful to read your words as your honesty is VERY NEEDED FOR SO MANY PEOPLE. You are making a difference in more lives than you will know. God bless you every day that He gives you till one day you hug your dear Amanda again.

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  2. Thanks for the encouragement. I understand about it feeling like yesterday and forever all at the same time. I lost my 21 year old son on September 5, 2012, to a tragic vehicle accident. Coming up on 5 years. That is a long long time, yet it is yesterday. Your words have helped me today. One day at a time. ♡

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  3. Thanks as a Christian in grief I sometimes forget to start first w Christ as my heart is broken and I am sometimes barely functioning. You’re so right when my mind is set on Him I do better. I still grieve my beautiful 21 year old Robert, but I have the eternal hope of heaven. Thankyou for your insight

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  4. I so understand about the feeling like it was yesterday. I lost my son on 4/3/15 and it feels like it happened yesterday. We was killed in a tragic vehicle accident on Good Friday going to see his girlfriend. I will never forget opening the front door to two police officers. I wish none of us were living this horrible nightmare. that is what it feels like to me. All I can think about is Jacob would be in his last semester of college, but now I will never get to see him graduate, get married and have children.

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  5. Oh so true! It’s been 14 years since I lost my Shaun & yet it feels like yesterday. Time does have a weird way of flip-flopping on us!

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  6. I too had a broken heart yes i focused on Christ and thought i was doing good. Until a year had passed. The depression was horrible i prayed that Christ would take me home daily but it was not to b. He did direct me to Christian counseling. I have never had and faith n counseling i had tried it before. This time to a friend suggested life hope minestries. I thank God for them all the time. Now i can laugh and not feel guilty i wake up with songs of praise singing through my head and heart. May the Lord of mercy and grace heal u.

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  7. My heart breaks for all of thse families ! I will pray for veryone of them fir God to continue to walk this difficult journey with them ! Prayers going up!

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  8. You wrote my thoughts as you describe the day to day after losing a child. I’m thankful we have the promises of God and scriptures to aid us on this extremely difficult journey. I’m so sorry for your loss in this life. We lost our 16 year old son on Good Friday, the day after his 16th birthday. Five years ago, but it hurts like it was yesterday. I pray God gives comfort to you and those hurting with loss.

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