There stands a line between April 10th and April 12th , 2015. April 11th 2015, the day Amanda died. The line signifies life will never be the same. Family, friends, church, work, hobbies, health, personality, and thoughts – changed forever. Now time is signified in our family by before Amanda’s death and after Amanda’s death.
This is the time of year we spent a lot of time together. Gamecock football games, birthdays, SC State Fair, Halloween, more birthdays, Operation Christmas Child, Church Homecoming, Thanksgiving, more birthdays – including hers, Lights at the Zoo, shopping for Christmas, Christmas. Plenty of time together as a family. The line changed it all. Changed more than I ever could have imagined. Not just because Amanda is gone, but the other people lost too. Just trying to find a way to just get through a lot of it. The Holiday planning is not something I look forward to doing. I use to enjoy it so much. Decorating, having everyone over and seeing so many generations together. Not happening anymore is indescribable. Never thought I would see the day.
I am not going to go through the whole list in the first paragraph. I would never finish. The line is a thick darkest black line – changed our lives forever. Oh, we have had other lines in our life. Our family has experienced deaths, financial troubles and sicknesses. Those lines were not thick dark lines – they were thin light grey lines. We made it through those lines together. The new line has split us apart.
Lines are in everyone’s lives. Some lines are more important than others. Change lives more than others.
The most important line in my life was the day I was saved. The day Jesus saved me from my sins. I realized I am a sinner. Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. I realized without Jesus I was headed straight to hell. Rom 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
This is where the most important line in the world is set. The day Jesus died for us. Rom 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He laid down His life for us freely. Jesus loves us enough to leave all the glory of Heaven, all the perfection, all the beauty, all the praise – Jesus was God in flesh. The line of time is measured by His life. B.C. is an abbreviation for “Before Christ.” A.D. is an abbreviation for “anno Domini,” which is Latin for “in the year of our Lord.” B.C. and A.D. are commonly used to count years in time. Jesus Christ’s birth is used as a starting point to count years that existed before (B.C.) and after (A.D.) He was born. Amazing huh?!!!
There is now a line of decision which can change lives forever – Eternally. Romans 10:9 & 10 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” Romans 10:13 “for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
The deepest darkest black line in my life has been Amanda’s death. I could not survive that day or the events after without Jesus. Jesus is the only way I have gotten through at all. He is the only way I can get out of bed in the morning, continue on with my daily life and live with a semblance of living. I have to trust Him more and quit worrying about tomorrow. Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I have to pray, study His Word, and praise Him. I have faith He will see me through – every minute, every hour, every day.
Jesus is the only way to get through the loss of a child. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to weep at times- some days, all day. It’s okay to not feel “right” or “normal”. Jesus is with us. The Holy Spirit comforts us. FROG – Forever Rely On God. Psalms 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” 2Cor 1:3-5 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”
I pray you feel His comfort. Love, hugs and prayers for all of you!
Manda’s Mom #APG #Forever32